Dear Jake,
I know you know a lot of stuff, and this has been stumping me for quite some time, so if you could help me out I will greatly appreciate it. Please explain the attached souvenir magnet: Why might we see a begging, or is it coffee drinking, pirate in land-locked New Mexico? I could be completely off though- is it a pirate at all? Please put my mind at ease.
Thanks a million,
j
Answer–
Well matey, you aren’t far off at all. The souvenir magnet to which you refer actually depicts a pirate begging for coffee. He is the mascot of Buccannowhere high school. The small town of Buccannowhere was founded in the year of 1712, the year of the massive gulf hurricane season that lives forever in infamy as the one that flooded the majority of what we now know as the southwestern united states. The legend is that Captain Javabeard (named for his pungent coffee stained beard) was navigating in the gulf of Mexico when he became caught in a severe tropical storm and was pushed off course. So far north in fact that his ship finally became disabled and ran aground right in the middle of current day Buccannowhere New Mexico. When the floods subsided, the surviving pirates decided to remain where the ship had landed and founded the town of Buccannowhere. Javabeard was the first mayor until he eventually went mad when his raging caffeine addiction could not be satisfied, as the last coffee grounds ran out. He shaved his beard and became a vagrant, roaming the streets begging for coffee. To this day Javabeard’s grounded ship stands as a monument in the middle of Buccannowhere NM. Javabeard will forever be honored, as the mascot of Buccannowhere high.